Saqf Alkefaya - Chapter 1 - part 1

You were not an ordinary woman for my love to you to be just another ordinary love. You were a flood which swept the anxiety trees, the age-old anticipation stones. You arrived like the face of dawn which arises the long night monasticism. You came down on the forehead of the deserted plant; you had water- between your hands-, creatures, life and a whole new solar system.

Sweetheart, you were that stormy femininity, which gave no explanation, while it went on forming new directions on the map of life. It created new nations and civilizations, changed the birthdays, the rules of silence and speech and the eternity heart beat system.

Your type of women has no mercy on me, as I am the first time lover. It smashes me to the last living cell, then it goes collecting my rubble and slowly re-builds me as a new man as per the love wish.

I left up the anchor and sailed straight to your eyes, a new faith was being formed in me. In addition to new principals, languages, legends and wisdom books. They all kept recreating themselves in the mist of the moment, they kept reacting with each other as fast as they can, in order to reach you as quick as possible before you disappear in the sky as the clouds do.

I desired you like no man would do on this earth. You are simply my ultimate dream and need, for which I do not desire anything beyond it. You were the ceiling of my satisfaction. Therefore, love was never a decision I wanted to take, it was more like a fate which wanted to take me.

On one evening my mum turned to me and said "Oh son, the sky is full of stars, however, for you there's only one star, which only shines once in your lifetime"  You were my star which knew, out of the earth men, who will follow her when it shines and who will die if it disappear. At that time I did not know how difficult it is to love a star, neither did I appreciate that stars don't stay up for long. Nevertheless, that was my fate.

 I find it so difficult to write about you and write about our love. As my virgin heart has not experienced such love neither did it imagine such love exists, not even in its wildest dreams.

We met just as any two will meet in the lanes of life. We never expected that so much love will be the result of that coincident. I always thought that those relations, which we can predict

Their directions will never mature to a real love. Love approach us in a mysterious ways, it never follows a certain paten.

The first love in our life comes like a flood, even when it comes in our maturity days; it takes our feeling back to the teenage sparks.

Do you remember what Nizar Wrote?

"Your love is similar to being borne and death. For both are impossible to reoccur"

Oh and how much I wish your love can reoccur or can be re-played in my life. Looking back, I wished your statement was not true, when I used to ask you "where would I find someone like you" and you used to reply "similar to me! none". Even at that time I knew you were unique and you as well knew that you were. I used to ask myself and, even when I was still enjoying the warmth of your hug and breathing in the aroma of your breast, I was still asking my self would I ever find a woman who would minimize my grief on you after your departure.

When you've gone, would I ever manage to find a woman who is still worth loving?

I know it is a holistic question, which can only be asked by a sick lover who knew his love will leave him soon and disappear with another man.

It is true that some women are nothing more than a napkin which we use to wipe our tears from a previous love. However, some of them do arise your entire life memory and leave nothing but their memories.

With me, honey, it wasn't that difficult for you, as you found a memory which has not being touched and a heart which has never being occupied, hence you entered in peace, consolidated your position, strengthened your sovereignty and exploited the veins and arteries to praise and glorify you every time blood runs through them.

Why is it that, every time we fail to get the medication, we end up explaining our need for it with a touch of shyness. Why do we discuss it to start with? Do we do it to justify our incapacitate?!

In other words, as I am so powerless to substitute you, do I really need, after you left me, another love to take me away from you?

 You abandoned me and left with your husband to where you can only be seen by his naked eyes behind the alienation windows. Do I let go of your love which came from no where and left to where I cannot reach?

Even if I managed to, which woman on Earth would satisfy me? Just after you've raisin the satisfaction ceiling to a limit where no women can reach.

This high ceiling is your miracle with me and my tragedy with you. When a Woman succeeds in lifting up the femininity ceiling to a limit where all women below it are equal and women above it are impossible.

 If you were to answer just one question, then I might just comprehend my misery without you. Please tell my ache heart how could a woman change a man's standards and his vision to life. Then she leaves her marks all over him before she disappears."